Category Archives: Construction

Forgiveness Part 3: Releasing Control

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As mentioned in the first article of our series Forgiveness (click here to read it), it is common that we feel hurt when situations do not turn out as we expect, or people do not act the way we want. But, if, sometimes, even ourselves do not act the way we thought we would, or do not say what we thought we would, how could we expect something from others? This is the starting point for releasing control.

Thinking we have control over other is an illusion. It emerges from the idea that we are superior, in some way, or that we have more capacity, whether we are parents, teachers, bosses, leaders, elders, partners, lovers, etc., and that we inspire respect. This control relationships are based on the idea that every person that depends on us, whether physical, material or emotionally, can be controlled by us, and, actually, we are only able to see whatever confirms that idea, that is just the manifestation of other people fears, and has nothing to do with respect. But, Are we able to perceive that each person is deciding according to their own fears and the position that decide to assume?

So, do we really have control over something? The answer is Yes, over our own selves through self-knowledge. When we decide to release external control to allow us feeling within ourselves, we get to understand what really motivates us to express ourselves and live in a certin way. Where does our love for control come from?, from our own insecurities? When we know ourselves from within, we gain confidence, are aware of what we can do, understand and respect our limits, and that shows us that external control is not what we think. If we are able to feel good with ourselves, live enjoying what we like and express ourselves in the most objetive way possible, what do we want to control others?

We can commit to having control over what we express, or do not, how we nourish ourselves, the physical activity that we give to our bodies, to choose people with whom we feel most at ease, to create our environment and allow that, what is born from there, flows, bringing learning and growth.

About this matter we still have two topics to integrate, the next article is focus on learning to accept the truth. See you then 🙂

Love,
Ángel

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Forgiveness Part 1: Definition and Resignification

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Talking to my friend Lina María (author of the EA Portal), we perceive that is necessary to break some paradigms about forgiveness so we can understand it better and integrate it to our lives in an easy and effective way. Because of it, this and the next posts are focus on the action of forgiving, going through the definition, break of paradigm, resignification, integration and application of forgiveness, integrally, in our lives.

The word forgive is defined as ceasing to feel resentment against someone. Integrating this definition to our personal experience, it is common that we perceive forgiveness as a superior way of relating to people or situations that, from our perspective, have hurt us. Now we are ready to break the paradigm of forgiving.

When we uderstand that comparisons, judgement and faults are part of a model that needs to be transformed for us to learn to relate in a more transparent, authentic, respectful and responsible way, to construct and remodel, sustainably, our planet, it’s necessary to break the paradigm that fogiveness makes us superior and resignify it as the integration of the ideia that we are responsible for choosing if something, efectively, affects us or hurts us.

Normally we feel hurt when a situation doesn’t go as expected, but, the same way we can blame others for what they say or do, we are also able to take responsibility for the expectation we have created for us to feel well, accepted, loved, etc, and for allowing others to enter and stay in our lives. If we analize a little deeper, feeling hurt comes from a need of control, from the desire of controlling our lives, and the people and situations in it. Let’s see this steps that lead us to connect to a side of our human nature that lets us low with our hearts:

  1. Seeing life as a constant learning: when we go into each situation, with all our senses, we can perceive elements that can lead us to a broader understanding of who we are.
  2. Being grateful for every minute of our lives: we can choose to see our lives as a miracle, be able to breathe or do what we de can always be a motive of gratitude and every lesson too, painful as they may seem, show us that we are more than we think.
  3. Putting into practice the exercices  to bring our minds to the present (click here to read the article about present mind), excercising the empowering of beliefs (click here to read the article about beliefs) and accepting people and situation as they are.

 

Let’s share our forgiveness experiences in the comments so that we can broaden our viewpoints. The subject of the next article is guilt and how to resignify it and integrate it into the process of personal forgiveness.

Love,
Ángel

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Forgiveness Part 2: Integrating Guilt

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Following forgiveness series, we are approaching guilt in order to understand how to integrate it in a way we can transform whatever has stopped being useful in our present.

Some of us has learnt to assume the reponsibility for other people well-being, from emotional to material. From this role many guilts emerge thourghtou our lives, since we try to please everyone to ensure harmony wherever we are and if we feel we can’t we blame ourselves for the consequences of our “faults”.

By definition, guilt is the fact of having committed a breach of conduct especially violating law and involving a penalty, but, is everything that happens someone’s fault?, what if we ALL learn to assume our responsibility in every issue and look together for the way of doing the necessary adjustment for the next time we ALL being responsible for the “good” consequence of our acts?

I want to share a personal story. One day, leaving the parking lot of a mall, I crashed into a moving car. The two people at the wheel were walking in reverse and we crashed. When I got out of the car, the very nervous lady began to tell me that it was my fault, I simply told her that we were both driving and that, therefore, it was the responsibility of both of us. By this I mean by taking responsibility, this can happen in different environments and areas in our life, but always through dialogue we can build a better consequence for the next.

Let’s integrate the guilt to channel it as a personal responsibility, in which each of us consciously assume that our acts (or lack thereof, which are also acts) have an impact on everything and everyone around us and construct more assertive consequences from each situation.

Remember to follow the Empowering Angle Portal content by subcribing, following us on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/empoweringangle/) and Instragram (https://www.instagram.com/empoweringangle/), we will approach forgiveness integrated to control in the next post..

Love,
Ángel

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