Assisting some people in their personal processes this week, the most relevant issue has been the fear of saying “NO”. This fear is born of the need we have to keep everything as it is because we think it is the only way to live and interact with the people around us. Over time, some of us have learned to please the people we interact with (friends, family, colleagues, etc.), we feel that everything is easier when we perceive that, apparently, everyone is satisfied with our actions, and we leave aside what we really want and need in order to see others smiling, sometimes with the desire to be good children, parents, friends, colleagues, etc., because it is the only way we have related to people and we are used to that.
Sometimes we avoid the word “NO”, even though we feel it is necessary, because we assume people will think or say something specific about us, and we fear how the consequence can impact our image. It is important that we remember that it is impossible to please everyone, even within our family nucleus we can find people who disapprove our actions, no matter how kind they may seem to us, it is here that we perceive the importance of being more authentic, at least, this way we relate to people who authentically have more affinity with us.
Saying “NO” can be as healthy as saying “YES”, for this it is necessary that we know each other as well as possible and transmit that in the most assertive way possible to the people we relate with. Let’s see some cases to understand when the “NO” is necessary in the situation in which we find ourselves::
Case 1: If we say “NO” do we feel bad for the reaction that others may have or because we really want to say “YES”? If the answer is due to the reaction of others, it is important that we question the reasons why we do not really want to do what they ask from us, because we find answers within ourselves that lead us to make more assertive decisions.
Case 2: Are our decisions are made due to the dependence we have for someone? In some moments of our life we can feel obliged to do things in exchange for something material or emotional. Sometimes, when we feel dependent on something or someone, we become submissive to the power of the other therefore losing our identity and the respect that we have for ourselves. It is essential to evaluate if our actions come from our desire or from our need to fulfill certain obligations that have been created by the dependency.
Rescuing our identity is the best way to tell ourselves that we accept ourselves and that we are willing to flow with everything we are, even if it implies the disapproval of the people we have as a priority in our lives, because only then we can create space for the true relationships that our heart desires to manifest.
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