It is necessary to break some paradigms about forgiveness, in order to understand it better and integrate it to our lives in an easy and effective way. Because of it, this article is focused on the action of forgiving, by going through the definition, break of paradigm, resignification, integration and application of forgiveness, integrally, in our lives.
The word forgive is defined as ceasing to feel resentment against someone. Integrating this definition to our personal experience, it is common that we perceive forgiveness as a superior way of relating to people or situations that, from our perspective, have hurt us. Now we are ready to break the paradigm of forgiving.
When we uderstand that comparisons, judgement and faults are part of a model that needs to be transformed for us to learn to relate in a more transparent, authentic, respectful and responsible way, to construct and remodel, sustainably, our planet, it’s necessary to break the paradigm that fogiveness makes us superior and resignify it as the integration of the ideia that we are responsible for choosing if something, efectively, affects us or hurts us.
Normally, we feel hurt when a situation doesn’t go as expected, but, the same way we can blame others for what they say or do, we are also able to take responsibility for the expectation we have created for us to feel well, accepted, loved, etc, and for allowing others to enter and stay in our lives. If we analize a little deeper, feeling hurt comes from a need of control, from the desire of controlling our lives, and the people and situations in it. Let’s see this steps that lead us to connect to a side of our human nature that lets us flow with our hearts:
- Seeing life as a constant learning: when we go into each situation, with all our senses, we can perceive elements that can lead us to a broader understanding of who we are.
- Being grateful for every minute of our lives: we can choose to see our lives as a miracle, be able to breathe or do what we do can always be a motive of gratitude and every lesson too, painful as they may seem, show us that we are more than we think (click here to read about gratitude).
- Putting into practice the exercices to bring our minds to the present (click here to read the article about present mind), excercising the empowerment of beliefs (click here to read the article about beliefs) and accepting people and situations as they are.
Now we can approach guilt in order to understand how to integrate it in a way we can transform whatever has stopped being useful in our present.
Some of us has learnt to assume the reponsibility for other people well-being, from emotional to material. From this role many guilts emerge throughout our lives, since we try to please everyone to ensure harmony wherever we are and, if we feel we can’t, we blame ourselves for the consequences of our “faults”.
By definition, guilt is the fact of having committed a breach of conduct especially violating law and involving a penalty, but, is everything that happens someone’s fault?, what if we ALL learn to assume our responsibility, in every issue, and look together for the way of doing the necessary adjustment, for the next time ALL of us being responsible for the “good” consequences of our acts? (click here to read about resposibility)
Let’s integrate the guilt to channel it as a personal responsibility, in which each of us, consciously, assume that our decisions (or lack thereof, which are also decisions) have an impact on everything and everyone around us and construct more assertive consequences from each situation.
As mentioned before, it is common to feel hurt when situations don’t go as we expect, or people don’t act the way we want. But, if, sometimes, even ourselves don’t act the way we thought we would, or don’t say what we thought we would, how could we expect something from others? This is the starting point for releasing control.
Thinking we have control over others is an illusion. It emerges from the idea that we are superior, in some way, or that we have more capacity, whether we are parents, teachers, bosses, leaders, elders, partners, lovers, etc., and that we inspire respect. This control relationships are based on the idea that every person that depends on us, whether physically, materially or emotionally, can be controlled by us, and, actually, we are only able to see whatever confirms that idea, that is just the manifestation of other people’s fears, and has nothing to do with respect. But, Are we able to perceive that each person is deciding according to their own fears and the position they decide to assume? (click here to read about respect)
So, do we really have control over something? The answer is Yes, over our own selves through self-knowledge. When we decide to release external control to allow us feeling within ourselves, we get to understand what really motivates us to express ourselves and live in a certin way. Where does our love for control come from?, from our own insecurities? When we know ourselves from within, we gain confidence, are aware of what we can do, understand and respect our boundaries, and that shows us that external control is not what we think. If we are able to feel good with ourselves, live enjoying what we like and express ourselves in the most objective way possible, what do we want to control others for?
We can commit to having control over what we express, or don’t, how we nourish ourselves, the physical activity that we give to our bodies, to choose people with whom we feel most at ease, to create our environment and allow that what’s born from there flows, bringing learning and growth.
ACCEPTING THE TRUTH
Accepting the truth is what leads us to apply forgiveness in every area of our lives.
Accepting the truth requires a deep knowledge of our own selves. We all feel in a different way, express ourselves as a consequence of what we feel, integrated to a context, whether for, against it, or in a neutral way, and choose our path, althought, sometimes, we make decisions being incoherent to who we really are. What leads us to decide to go out with a comitted person?, or to work for a company that sells something we don’t buy?, or to stay away from our family in order to create another?, this kind of questions, answered frankly (without trying to create mental games that always makes us feel we are right), gives us a more objective vision of our own selves and what we want from our hearts.
When we assume the responsibility for what we express, feel and think, we connect to our truth, the one that shows to us that we are where we have taken ourselves, nobody is guilty, everything is just our responsibility. We allow contact to people, accept job offers, decide to keep certain things away and, now, we are just the result of every little decision we have made, so, do we want to continue where we are or not?. If the answer is “NO”, it is necessary to make decisions that lead us where we really want, in the most coherent way and accepting that not always what we have wanted is what is really aligned to our own truth.
Freeing ourselves from the fears and beliefs that have kept us away from everything that makes us flow and feel respected, we reconnect to ourselves to build a more coherent reality, more aligned to our true nature, the process may take time, but it is important that we dare to take the first step. It is necessary to connect to our inner voice, that voice that leads us to do what really integrates us, making us feel complete (click here to read about connecting to our heart)..
Let’s accept our truth and see the truth of everything and everyone blooming 🙂
ALIGNING OURSELVES TO OUR INNER VOICE
Our perspective about forgiveness expands itself when we understand that every single wound comes from expectations and needs, and that when we assume our responsibility, release control and accept the truth, we start living a reality in which we discover that the main reason for our wounds is the lack of personal connection, what leads us to construct a new way of relating, from self-respect (click here to read about building personal respect).
Our self is a powerful ally when we decide to integrate it as part of the integral being we are (click here to read the full article about integration of the self), but, while we try to “ignore” it, it continues being the opponent of our inner voice, the voice that compares us, either positively or negatively, to others, the voice that judge us, the voice that is afraid even taking chances, the voice that, when we question, is always giving us an answer that comes from our own preservation as separated individuals.
When we exercise focusing our Self to know ourselves better, our thoughts start getting used to talk about our own selves avoiding judgement, comparisson and guilt, at that moment we start feeling our inner voice, the one that accepts us the way we are and shows us the most appropriate way of constructing in every sigle moment of our lives. One super useful question to check the origin of each thought is: Is this only for my well-being or it also contributes to the well-being of everything and everyone? With time, our Self learns how to flow with our hearts and the inner voice starts aligning and focusing on what makes us flow, and we enjoy, that cause a coherent and constructive impact on ourselves and everything around (click here to read about identifying what is from the heart).
Listening to our inner voice is truly trusting ourselves, understanding that we are always in accompanied, that there are infinite ways of relating to ourselves, and to the world, and that we can always decide to flow along with our hearts (click here to read about transforming our humanity).