Tag Archives: power

Learning to Say “NO”

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There is an issue that is important to understand for us to have more peaceful relationships, the fear of saying “NO”. This fear is born of the need of keeping everything as it is because we think it is the only way to live and interact with people around us. Over time, some of us have learned to please people we interact with (friends, family, colleagues, etc.), we feel that everything is easier when we perceive that, apparently, everyone is satisfied with our actions, and we leave aside what we really want, and need, in order to see others smiling, sometimes with the desire to be good children, parents, friends, colleagues, etc., because it is the only way we have related to people and we are used to that.

Sometimes we avoid the word “NO”, even though we feel it is necessary, because we assume people will think or say something specific about us, and we fear how the consequence can impact our image. It is important that we remember that it is impossible to please everyone, even within our family nucleus we can find people who disapprove our actions, no matter how kind they may seem to us, it is here that we perceive the importance of being more authentic, at least, this way we relate to people who authentically have more affinity with us (click here to read about self-knowledge and sublimation)..

Saying “NO” can be as healthy as saying “YES”, for this, it is necessary that we know ourselves as well as possible and transmit that in the most assertive way possible to the people we relate with. Let’s see some cases to understand the reasons behind the answers we give in the situation we find ourselves in:

  1. Case 1: If we say “NO”, do we feel bad for the reaction that others may have or because we really want to say “YES”? If the answer is due to the reaction of others, it is important that we question the reasons why we don’t really want to do what they ask from us, because we find answers within ourselves that lead us to make more assertive and authentic decisions, because we need to focus on what brings us peace independent of the external.

  2. Case 2: Are our decisions made because of the dependence we have for someone? In some moments of our life we can feel obliged to do things in exchange for something material or emotional. Sometimes, when we feel dependent on something or someone, we become submissive to the power of the other, therefore losing our identity and the respect that we have for ourselves. It is essential to evaluate if our actions come from our desire or from our need to fulfill certain obligations that have been created by the dependency.

Saying “NO” is essential in some cases for us to understand what we are creating in our lives, from reflection, and for starting our path of constructing peace through recognizing what our hearts needs for its purpose.

Rescuing our identity is the best way to tell ourselves that we accept ourselves and that we are willing to flow with everything we are, even if it implies the disapproval of the people we have as a priority in our lives, because, only then, we can create space for the true relationships that our heart desires to manifest (click here to read about constructivity of relationships).

Love,
Ángel

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versão em portugues

Reflections on Relationships: Special Edition

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There is a very common issue when there is lack of self-knowledge. injustice, both in professional and in personal life. In the workplace is presented above all in the recognition from the personal perspective of every person, since what is perceived is the inequality of remuneration in relation to the effort of work, and what we call “bootlicking” in the USA. In personal life it can happen in our family, couple or friendships, it is also the perception that what we do is not enough for people, who increasingly demand more of ourselves and don’t recognize our “effort” (I put the word effort in quotation marks because that is what we do when we try to seek external approval, which is not necessary when we begin to guide ourselves through internal approval – click here to read the full article on Internal Approval in 3 steps).

Connected to the concept of injustice, generally, there is power over others. At work, in some cases, people who hold higher positions are people who use their personal power to manipulate everyone and everything around them, and that is one of the reasons to get to that position (besides the power they have due to knowledge and experience they may have), obviously if our desire is to exercise our personal power over ourselves we somehow don’t fit into a position that requires doing that, right? In other types of relationships we find people who want to have control over others and don’t let them be themselves (take care, those people may be ourselves), here we find grandparents, parents, children, brothers, couples, friends, who want everything done its own way and, when this is not done, they use fear as a manipulation tool to gain control.

Have we felt identified with any of these situations? If the answer is “YES”, let’s continue reading this special edition about reflections, so we can find an assertive way to get out of this situation and create new opportunities in our life based on personal decisions made by conviction (click here to read the article on decide by conviction).

WORKPLACE

How can we act in a more assertive way when facing situations we consider unfair in our workplace? The main issue in this situation is that we understand that it is our decision to be where we are, the reasons may be fears or convictions, but we are always the ones who decide to be where we are, and we usually have something to learn from there.

I’ve heard many people complaining about the injustice of people who hold important positions doing less than them but I have also noticed that many of those people who complain seem to work a lot, because sometimes they’re just not in the area which they have talent for, so, doing the same as the others require much more time and effort. Has this happened to you? We can easily perceive it when we do something that we don’t like, for example, I don’t like cooking alone, and when I do it I spend more time cooking something than the person who likes it, and also doesn’t end up as delicious, is like something is missing. This is what happens, we need to know ourselves better to work on something we have talent for and we can flow along with, that prevents us from perceiving the situation of the ascension of someone, who apparently works less, as an injustice.

Now, if after broadening our perspective, we still perceive that there is injustice, it is time to look for a place to work that is more compatible with our principles. It is important that we are sure about what we want to be able to set the boundaries within to look for the appropriate job in a company compatible with ourselves (click here to read the article about setting boundaries). We need to trust enough in ourselves to be able to accept what we deserve (click here to read about what we deserve), as well as understand our needs in all aspects of our lives, which can often be simpler than they seem and open possibilities for us to work in areas that would fit in a reality of extreme needs not so necessary (click here to read the article on identification of needs).

Here we have some perspectives that can contribute to our decision making regarding our work life:

  1. Do we feel that we have to work hard to achieve small things? Perceiving the moments in our own lives in which we feel that we do what we like and it allows us to flow, we realize that this is when we forget the time and energy we are dedicating to it. So, if we do something that doesn’t allow us to flow, that tires us and makes us feel that we have to make an effort to do it, we need to evaluate other possibilities to monetize what we do from our integrated personal talents. What is it that we find easy to do, and w]that we like doing, that contributes to the construction of a more integral humanity, and how can we monetize that in order to live where we are?

  2. Are the material needs we have really necessary? Many times we create in our reality needs that keep us prisoners to something that we don’t like in our work environment, when we perceive that we need less than what we thought, we are able to advance in our personal life, because we build with more calm and satisfaction our material life through our own talents.

In my 7 years of working life, I have learned that I can do everything that I set out to do, but that sometimes requires doing things that are not aligned with my values ​​and principles, so I’ve decided that I prefer to flow along with what I do more easily, that is why I write and assist people in their own processes, so I feel that I’m more consistent to myself and that I can connect more genuinely with everyone and everything around me. I have time for myself and for the things and people that are a priority in my life. Today I’m totally sure about the fact that I don’t need everything I wanted, and I appreciate what comes into my life to build what I really want from the heart, which is manifested in my present. What you do allows you to be in peace in every area of your life?

PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

We can live in injustice in any kind of relationship, especially when we are unfair to ourselves (we don’t respect our principles, our tastes, our time and we prioritize satisfying others’) or when, due to fear of being alone, or being rejected, we create a character that is not necessary (whatever our nature, we can find compatible people to relate with).

There’s a lot of abuse of power and injustice in relationships, be it sexism or the idea that one of the parties must take control of the relationship, and the previous options only build relationships based on fear that end up in a routine, because the spontaneity and the transparency in the interactions are completely lost. If we need to assume or delegate power in any kind of relationship we should review our lack of acceptance, because, when we fully accept ourselves, we perceive the importance of personal empowerment (click here to read about personal empowerment), each one of us is unique and when we manage to integrate our personal power with that of other people we build solid foundation based on truth and transparency, a solid way to construct in a sustainable way (click here to read the article on constructive relationships).

We often go into relationships based on emotions that lead us to react, or to “act impulsively”, for this reason it is important to take it slow to get to know people and understand how they fit into our lives or if they are just present for teaching us something about ourselves that we haven’t perceived, and that we need to work on, in order to understand the situations we manifest in our lives, what happens to us (click here to read about knowledge).

Here are some perspectives that can contribute to our decision-making regarding our relationships:

  1. Do we feel that we don’t receive what we give? It is very common that we look for what we think we need on the outside, the thing is that outside we only find what we are inside. If people lie to us, let’s think to whom we lie (including our own selves), if people betray us, let’s ask ourselves who we have betrayed, if people don’t keep what they say, to whom we haven’t kept our word? We are used to prioritize some people and give them special treatment, and those people can show us, more easily, our actions and reactions with those we don’t consider a priority, the responsibility for what we feel, think and express is ours, we need to learn to decide with more awareness (click here to read about coherence).

  2. Do we induce the people we relate with to do what we want? We often create in our reality needs that keep us imprisoned to the idea of ​​power, so it is possible that we are attracting insecure people who are willing to seek our approval, by pleasing ourselves in everything we want (we must take special care with this in family relationships and when we raise children, because these attitudes can compromise their healthy development in the world). Using our power over others is to affirm that we’re not good enough to connect to people freely and allow them to give back what we give, because we perceive, consciously or unconsciously, that we usually give incoherence and lack of acceptance (click here to read about forgiveness).

For a long time I compared myself to other people and complained about my situation, I wanted people to know what I liked so they would please me in everything, but I realized that, despite having everything I thought I wanted, I wasn’t satisfied with anything, so I decided to work on myself by applying universal principles to my daily life, that assisted me in knowing myself better and understanding that only by increasing my personal power, by assuming responsibility for what I feel, think and express in a conscious way, I really feel more and more connected to myself and, consequently, calmer (click here to buy the eBook 7 Levels for Personal Empowerment). What do you do that allows you to be in peace?

Love,
Ángel

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Injustice and Power Part 2: Workplace

Version en español

versão em portugues

Going back to the series of injustice and power, the main subject today is how we can act in a more assertive way when facing this situation in our workplace. The main issue in this situation is that we understand that it is our decision to be where we are, the reasons may be fears or convictions, but we are always the ones who decide to be where we are, and we usually have something to learn from there.

I’ve heard many people complaining about the injustice of people who hold important positions doing less than them but I have also noticed that many of these people who complain seem to work a lot, because sometimes they just are not in the area which they have talent for so doing the same as the others require much more time and effort. Has this happened to you? We can easily perceive it when we do something that we do not like, for example, I do not like to cook alone, and when I do it I spend more time cooking something than the person who likes it and also doesn’t end up as delicious, is like something is missing. This is what happens, we need to know ourselves better to work on something we have talent for and we can flow along with, that prevents us from seeing the situation of the ascension of someone, who apparently works less, as an injustice.

Now, if after we have expanded our perspective, we still perceive that there is injustice, it is time to look for a place to work that is more compatible with our principles. It is important that we are sure about what we want to be able to setting the boundaries within to look for the appropriate work in a company compatible with ourselves (click here to read the article about setting boundaries). We need to trust enough in ourselves to be able to accept what we deserve, as well as understand our needs in all aspects of our lives, which can often be simpler than they seem and open possibilities for us to work in areas that would fit in a reality of extreme needs not so necessary (click here to read the article on identification of needs).

Here we have some points of view that can assist ourselves in our decision making regarding our work life:

  1. Do we feel that we have to work hard to achieve small things? Perceiving the moments in our own lives in which we feel that we do we like and it allows us to flow, we realize that this is when we forget the time and energy that we are dedicating to it. So, if we do something that doesn’t allow us to flow, that tires us and makes us feel that we have to make an effort to do it, we need to evaluate other possibilities to monetize what we do from our integrated personal talents. What is it that we find easy to do, and what we like doing, that contributes to the construction of a more human humanity, and how can we monetize that in order to live where we are?

  2. Are the material needs we have really necessary? Many times we create in our reality needs that keep us prisoners to something that we don’t like in our work environment, when we perceive that we need less than what we thought, we are able to advance in our personal life, because we build with more calm and satisfaction our material life through our own talents.

In my 6 years of working life, I have learned that I can do everything that I set out to do, but that sometimes requires doing things that are not aligned with my values and principles, so I’ve decided that I prefer to flow along with what I do more easily, that is why I write and assist people in their own processes, so I feel that I’m more consistent to myself and that I can connect more genuinely with everyone and everything around me. I have time for myself and for the things and people that are a priority in my life. life. Today I’m totally sure about the fact that I don’t need everything I wanted, and I appreciate what comes into my life to build what I really want from the heart, which is manifested in my present. What you do allows you to be in harmony?

Love,
Ángel

Version en español

versão em portugues

Injustice and Power Part 1: Are we experiencing this?

Version en español

versão em portugues

Today I decided to ask a friend about the complaints he listen to from other people and the issue they talk about most is injustice, both in professional life and in personal life. In the workplace is presented above all in the recognition from the personal perspective of every person, since what is perceived is the inequality of remuneration in relation to the effort of work and what we call “bootlicking” in the USA. In personal life it can happen in our family, couple or friendships, it is also the perception that what we do is not enough for people, who increasingly demand more of ourselves and don’t recognize our “effort” (I put the word effort in quotation marks because that is what we do when we try to seek external approval, which is not necessary when we begin to guide ourselves through internal approval – click here to read the full article on Internal Approval in 3 steps).

Connected to the concept of injustice, generally, there is power over others, another issue that arose in a conversation with another friend yesterday. At work, in some cases, people who hold higher positions are people who use their personal power to manipulate everyone and everything around them, and that is one of the reasons to get to that position (besides the power they have for the knowledge and experience they may have), obviously if our desire is to exercise our personal power over ourselves we somehow don’t fit into a position that requires doing that, right? In other types of relationships we find people who want to have control over others and don’t let them be themselves (take care, those people may be ourselves), here we find grandparents, parents, children, brothers, couples, friends, who want everything done in its own way and, when this is not done, they use fear as a manipulation tool to gain control.

Have we felt identified with any of these situations? If the answer is “YES”, let’s continue reading the series of Injustice and Power so we can find an assertive way to get out of this situation and create new opportunities in our life based on personal decisions made by conviction (click here to read the article on decide by conviction).

Love,
Ángel

Version en español

versão em portugues