Tag Archives: relationships

Constructive Relationships: 7 questions to assess the level of constructivity of relationships

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It is very important to work on our self-relationship (click here to read the text about transforming our self relationship), in order to understand who we really are (click here to read the text about self-knowledge) and be ready to relate to the world in a more assertive way. This includes to detach from destructive relationships, even if it is because of our or other’s intentions, and building new constructive relationships for our lives.

Today we’re talking, specifically, about the transformation of, and/or detach from, relationships that make us feel less than we are, or that just have turned into a waste of time, for we get use to it and we haven’t found our way out of there, whether because of one or many reasons (click here to read the text about empowering habits)..

Many types of beliefs have taken us to live relationships in our lives that, when we change our beliefs, we have seen them as something we don’t really want to live. As we grow up we pass certain situations that can lead us to know what we really don’t want or actually want, that’s why it is so important to learn to direct our lives by the relationship constructive path. This empower us.

There are 7 questions to assess the level of constructivity of relationships we live. Using the for every relationship (sentimental, family, friendship), in an honest way, we are able to understand if us, or other people, are having destructive behaviors, if they can really be transformed, or if the best thing to do is getting out of that relationship.

  1. In the relationship the both of us support each other?
  2. Is there respect between the both of us for each other’s growing and development?
  3. Is there freedom for being who we really are?
  4. Is there honesty and transparency?
  5. Is there dialog without manipulation?
  6. Is there trust, fidelity and loyalty?
  7. The both of us contribute to the construction and strengthening of the relationship?

If after asking ourselves these 7 questions most of the answers were “NO” we are living some kind of destructive relationship. It is important to analize is it’s really possible the transformation through the dialog, but if we perceive that there’s no possibility of changing what is destructing the relationship it is time to ask ourselves about the real reasons why we are still experiencing that. If some of those reasons is fear (of loneliness, of not finfing another person, of losing something) we must take the responsability of detaching from that and, in the most respectful way possible, making clear what we really want (click here to read the text about setting boundaries)..

When we live in an unconsciouss destructive way, we tend to see the external as a threat, but we can transform our own selves and find that heart path that leads us to be more respectful, free, transparent, faithful, loyal and constructive to us and to people (click here to read the text about connecting ourselves to our hearts). So, if today we are in a relationship like that, we must give us the chance of getting out of it and let ourselves, or the other person, follow our own consciousness path. Let’s do this for ours and others, it may be that the relationship that finish now start over again with a more consciouss point of view in order to build the relationship up .

Let’s be independent, dependency always causes undesireble emotional situations (click here to read the text about emotions and feelings).

Love,
Ángel

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3 questions to transform our self-relationship

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Relationships are as simple as we want to see them. It’s important that the first relationship we analize in order to have better relationships is the one with our own selves. Relationships we have with people depend on our worth and the boundries we set. (click here to read the text about setting boundaries)

Let’s make some questions to answer them consciously to ourselves.

  1. How do I treat myself when something doesn’t go as planned?
  2. Do I accept myself or try to be what everybody wnats from me?
  3. Do I take the responsibility of my life and my decisions? (click here to read the text about deciding by conviction)

It’s important to understand that is with our own selves that we have to exercise every aspect we feel is missing in our lives. What we expect from others must be something we can give, giving and receiving is very important to keep the harmony in relationships.

When we start to work our patience, acceptance, discipline and responsibility from our own selves, we feel more complete and comfortable.

By changing the focus, and integrating the outside with the inside, we understand the importance of making every decision of our lives with the graeatest calm and certainty possible (click here to read the text about polarities as learning). This way, our relationships with the world transform themselves, we understand that each one of us needs to be completely responsible for ourselves so we can live in a more thoughtful way.

After a long time of giving up on my responsability I decided to take it all back and I really feel very empowered (click here to buy the eBook 7 Levels for Personal Empowerment), I accept and know myself better and I really know what I want, so I direct my energy to construct the life I desire in society. What about you?

Remember to share this post with your friends and tell us your own story on the comments. How do you live your self-relationship?

Love,
Ángel

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Injustice and Power Part 3: Relationships

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To finish the series about Injustice and Power, we will address these aspects in our relationships. We can live in injustice in any kind of relationship, especially when we are unfair to ourselves (we do not respect our principles, our tastes, our time and we prioritize satisfying others’) or when, due to fear of being alone, or being rejected, we create a character that is not necessary (whatever our nature we can find compatible people to relate to us)..

There is a lot of abuse of power and injustice in relationships, be it sexism or the idea that one of the parties must take control of the relationship, and all the previous options only build relationships based on fear that end up in a routine, because the spontaneity and the truth in the interactions are completely lost. If we need to assume or delegate power in any kind of relationship we should review our lack of acceptance, because, when we fully accept ourselves, we perceive the importance of personal empowerment, each one of us is unique and when we manage to integrate our personal power with that of other people we build solid foundations based on truth and transparency, a solid way to construct in a sustainable way (click here to read the article on constructive relationships).

We often go into relationships based on emotions that lead us to react, or to “act impulsively”, for this reason it is important to take it slow to get to know people and understand how they fit into our lives or if they are just present for teaching us something about ourselves that we have not perceived, and that we need to work on in order to understand the situations we manifest in our lives, what happens to us (click here to read the article about what we deserve).

Here are some points of view that can assist ourselves in our decision-making regarding our relationships:

  1. Do we feel that we don’t receive what we give? It is very common that we look for what we think we need on the outside, the thing is that outside we only find what we are inside. If people lie to us, let’s think to whom we lie, if people betray us, let’s ask ourselves who we have betrayed, if people don’t keep what they say, to whom we haven’t kept our word? We are used to prioritize some people and give them special treatment, and those people can show us, more easily, our actions and reactions with those we don’t consider a priority, the responsibility for what we feel, think, say and do is ours, we need to learn to decide with more awareness (click here to read the article on conviction decisions).

  2. Do we induce the people with whom we relate to do what we want? We often create in our reality needs that keep us imprisoned to the idea of power, so it is possible that we are attracting insecure people who are willing to seek our approval, by pleasing ourselves in everything we want (we must take special care with this in family relationships and when we raise children, because these attitudes can compromise their healthy development in the world). Using our power over others is to affirm that we’re not good enough to connect with people freely and allow them to give back what we give, because we perceive, consciously or unconsciously, that we usually give incoherence and lack of acceptance.

For a long time I compared myself to other people and complained about my situation, I wanted people to know what I liked so they would please me in everything, but I realized that, despite having everything I thought I wanted, I wasn’t happy with anything, so I decided to work on myself by applying universal principles to my daily life, that assisted me in knowing myself better and understanding that only by increasing my personal power, by assuming responsibility for what I feel, think, say and do in a conscious way, I really feel more and more connected to myself and, consequently, calmer (click here to buy the eBook 7 Levels for Personal Empowerment). What do you do that allows you to be in harmony?

Love,
Ángel

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Sublimation of Our Experience 4: Sex

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We have already understood how our creatve energy is essential in our reconnective process (click here to read the article about sublimation of the creative energy), now we are able to integrate it to the sublimation of sex.

Sexual energy is also creative energy that, when sublimated in a constructive way, connects ourselves to our essence through love. Our sexual energy is connected to attraction processes in our own perceptions, that are able to strengthen connections through our emotional, mental and/or physical world. As we read in sublimation of our mental reality (click here to read full article) we onle perceive the thing we pay attention to, so, as we know ourselves better, through our own experiences, we have the option of expanding our own personal consciousness, in order to learn to connet to our own personal signs, and, that way, in a more assertive way to the world.

By recognizing how our emotions, thoughts and perceptions influence the way we experience our sexual energy, we can follow 3 simple steps to sublimate it in a constructive way and in harmony with everything and everyone around us.

  1. Let’s ask ourselves: What motives lead us to live our sexuality as we have decided to experiences it? What do we feel and think after a sexual act or an orgasm? Example: my motive to iniciate my sexual life was low self-esteem, I always thought that sex was a way of controlling my partner to have him by my side. While I had that thought it was common for me to feel in pain and empty, as if I lacked something I could not find outside myself, I often felt tired, as if I had no energy, but I thought that was normal.

  2. Having our destructive thoughts, and emotions, identified, we can work on them by transforming them into constructive actions that empower ourselves. Example: By doing my own reasearch I realize that it wasn’t normal to feel the way I felt, so I started reading about diverse issues and feeling more my own self every moment, the consciousness about my own seual energy expanded itself and now I perceive that it not only a matter of my emotional, physical and mental worlds, but it is also about my sentimental world and the emotional, physical, mental and sentimental worlds of the person I allow myself to establish a relationship in that level.

  3. Let’s focus our energy on our present and learn something new about ourselves and the ways of having a more constructive impact on our own relationships through our personal interaction integrated to our inner signs.

Today’s reflaction is: Do we focus our sexual energy by personal convictions or for pleasing others?

Love,
Ángel

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Forgiveness Part 3: Releasing Control

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As mentioned in the first article of our series Forgiveness (click here to read it), it is common that we feel hurt when situations do not turn out as we expect, or people do not act the way we want. But, if, sometimes, even ourselves do not act the way we thought we would, or do not say what we thought we would, how could we expect something from others? This is the starting point for releasing control.

Thinking we have control over other is an illusion. It emerges from the idea that we are superior, in some way, or that we have more capacity, whether we are parents, teachers, bosses, leaders, elders, partners, lovers, etc., and that we inspire respect. This control relationships are based on the idea that every person that depends on us, whether physical, material or emotionally, can be controlled by us, and, actually, we are only able to see whatever confirms that idea, that is just the manifestation of other people fears, and has nothing to do with respect. But, Are we able to perceive that each person is deciding according to their own fears and the position that decide to assume?

So, do we really have control over something? The answer is Yes, over our own selves through self-knowledge. When we decide to release external control to allow us feeling within ourselves, we get to understand what really motivates us to express ourselves and live in a certin way. Where does our love for control come from?, from our own insecurities? When we know ourselves from within, we gain confidence, are aware of what we can do, understand and respect our limits, and that shows us that external control is not what we think. If we are able to feel good with ourselves, live enjoying what we like and express ourselves in the most objetive way possible, what do we want to control others?

We can commit to having control over what we express, or do not, how we nourish ourselves, the physical activity that we give to our bodies, to choose people with whom we feel most at ease, to create our environment and allow that, what is born from there, flows, bringing learning and growth.

About this matter we still have two topics to integrate, the next article is focus on learning to accept the truth. See you then 🙂

Love,
Ángel

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