Tag Archives: selflove

We broke up, what now?

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A very common issue about relationships is the end itself, sometimes well defined, others not that much, but, at the end, they have in common the fact that they take us out from our comfort zone and makes us question ourselves about many things. But, what can we do when this happens in order to get used to the space left by the presence of the other? This is the subject today.

First of all, it is important that we have some time on our own to perceive, in an objective way, our relationship and the feelings we have had during our time together, since this can lead us to understand that we must make some adjustments in many aspects of our own selves, from deciding what we expect from a relationship to defining the main principles the relationship must have as the foundation, this is what takes us to decide, with more assertiveness, in which moment we can take the step into a new relationship.

After we find the reasons that have led us to our relationship, and the needs behind them, it is important to release what is no longer part of our construction, in many cases we expect to come back because we are not sure of what we want to construct, that is why it is so important that we learn to be clear and coherent to ourselves, so we can express our truth to others.

Finally, it is necessary to assume our responsability about everything that has happened, accept that, while we continue being the same, from our belief system and emotions, there is no way of keeping changes that please the other and that make us feel good in our own skin for long. We change from a deep necessity of being more aligned to our own moment, others may be an inspiration for our transformation, but we are the ones that decide when is time to do it, and if that lets us flow along with our own principles.

To finish, let’s see some steps that have turned out well for some people I know that have ended their relationships, and for me after breaking up a relationship of 9 years :

  1. Dedicating the time we would spend with the person to make something we enjoy doing by ourselves. In my case, writing has always been a moment of reconnection, that let me channel any emotion and even realize when I feel something I wasn’t conscious about before. Any activity we can use as a way of expressing ourselves can be useful for the process of gettin to know ourselves better.

  2. Allowing us to connect to different people from our friends and family to broaden our perspectives.

  3. Giving ourselves the time to do practically “NOTHING”, those moments without commitments in which we’re able to flow with our own company, open up ourselves to new possibilities.

  4. Defining what we want from a relationship is essential, since that allows us to make decisions out of conviction (click here to read about deciding by conviction) regarding the relationships we allow in our lives. In my case, in this moment I prioritize the freedom to be who I am, and to allow the others to be who they are, and the peace to build a relationship from integrity, transparency and respect, so I let my emotions flow to feel with my heart the purpose of each relationship (click here to read about connecting with the heart).

It is important to understand that the feeling we have constructed, for the person, remains, it always continues as a part of ourselves, but we simply know that we need to move forward transforming the limits of the relationship so we can continue our own work of self-knowledge and evolution (click here to read about sublimation of our mental, emotional, creative and sexual realities).

We always have the possibility of looking for different ways of relating to the world, we can choose living by being who we really are, with transparency and sincerity, and knowing people who choose this way too, since, this way, we can construct solid and enhancing foundation, in order to broaden authenticity in unity inside a society of integrity.


Version en español

versão em portugues